“When you begin to awaken, layers will be shed, you may experience rage, depression, anxiety, fear, etc. Ride the wave! Allow these things to exit your system, because illusion self (ego) is being shed so your true self (spirit) can thrive! Embrace the transition.”
How to not care what people think (or say) about you.
I admit when I was younger I cared a lot.
Teenage years are ABOUT forming an identity. This identity is often based on deciding who we are, or want to be, in comparison to those around us. Identity is often constructed upon whether people like us, and it can be damaged by what they say about us. But remember identity is NOT a fixed thing – only a mental construct.
You notice those girls are like ‘that’, and you decide you want to be like that, so you behave like that to fit in, and your identity becomes that. If you don’t want to be like that, you decide, I’m not like that! You decide that you therefore are NOT like that: that you are different. All are decisions, albeit often made unconsciously. The ‘secret’ is making these decisions consciously (there are lots of secrets).
Throughout our lives we either try to fit in, or we decide that we don’t fit in (or that we don’t like the people that we are trying to fit in with, so we decide we are different, and feel like we don’t fit in – internally).
Waking up is a process of growing up. It is realising that identity is constructed in your own mind. Yes it is may incorporate labels that others have put onto you, but more vital is what you think of yourself. If you can build a strong sense of self, you don’t need other people to reflect back to you (other people are essentially mirrors) who you are.
Who you are is whoever you decide to be! This is something we awaken to. That we are all playing ‘roles’ with a persona. We can be confident, like an actor, or we can play any role we chose. Deciding which role to play becomes a value decision. I don’t like the way those girls are bitchy, so I am not going to behave bitchy. But in making this decision, we are essentially cutting off the bitch limb in ourself. You have decided, I am going to play a nice girl, but the inner bitch, still gets angry, believe me (she just turns that anger in on herself).
We must therefore be careful in taking on personas because it is a process of rejecting something we believe we are not. If we believe we are essentially a bad person, we reject the good in a good person (resent it because we feel it does not belong in us). This is how the identity of a criminal is formed. He has decided he doesn’t fit in, is different, and is playing a role just as much as the rest of us, although the consequences are worse.
Transpersonal psychology is posing the question, who am I if I am not these personas I play? If I realise wholeheartedly that I can be whoever I want to be, and that my identity is just a decision of things I have decided about myself – how does this change who I am? And, what does it mean to exist ‘beyond’ personas? Trans means beyond. If I am more than the persona or the masks that I wear in the world, what does this mean?
Firstly acknowledging you wear a mask (or many masks) is powerful. Then integrating the parts of self you have disowned (that could be useful, the inner bitch for example who has the courage to call people out when they are doing the wrong thing, overstepping boundaries) is powerful work. Something even more powerful is discovering our superhuman powers. The things that give life meaning beyond this game of personas we play.
When we realise what I call the 4 pillars of awakening in my upcoming book, we realise at a deep soul level that we are the divine beings who makes the grass greener. This means we realise we are important. That we are being guided internally (we have just stopped listening). When we see and hear the signs that are being given to us by the Universe/our higher self, it helps is to believe in magic again. The curious mind cannot be anxious. The anxious mind has lost its creativity.
So how does this help me not care what people think, you ask?
Realise you are deciding a persona to play and you are demonising personas or characteristics of people you ‘dislike’. In other words they have become the villains in your story. Go through the process of integrating the useful parts you have disowned in yourself back into your psyche. For example to stay with the bitch example, realise that being a bitch is a concept you either like or don’t. If you don’t, question why have you disowned this? Then decide which parts are useful in terms of being a bitch, that you actually need in your life. For example you need to be able to speak up, and tell people when they are being rude. The nice girl wouldn’t do this, but the bitch would.
These are all the ways that I work with my clients. I help you identify and develop a persona that actually serves you, through examining the one that you have created, and the parts of self you that have disowned (and determine if they could be of some use to you).
I help you identify the beliefs that you have about the world and decide if these beliefs actually serve you. Then I do processes with you that challenge your beliefs, and make you realise at a deep soul level that your life matters, YOU MATTER and that you have come here for a reason and a purpose. You are being guided. You are never alone.
When you are strong in the beliefs and the identity you have created, you cease believing that people outside of you give you worth. You realise your total intrinsic value is not based on how many likes you get, or how many friends/clients you have, or even if that guy thinks you are worthy of him. Because the sexiest thing in the world, is a person comfortable in his own skin. A person who knows who they are, and what they stand for. A person who doesn’t need the approval of others to do what he wants to do.
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