“Hooponono – Please forgive me. I’m so sorry. I love you. Thank you.” –
Few, if any, people are all ‘love and light’ without having gone through the dark night of the soul.
Just because someone preaches light, it doesn’t mean they haven’t faced the darkness. It doesn’t mean they don’t lean in and do the inner work, the shadow work, when it is required.
Raising the vibe of humanity means owning your vibe, your own energy and your actions in the world.
I will not slow down my high vibrational teachings because you are so far out of alignment that you can’t resonate. The aim is to help you see a little further than you saw yesterday. Resonate is a word that means energetic frequency. As a transpersonal counsellor we learn about resonating and how to meet the client where they are at – experiencing ‘being with’ them, in their world. This alone, being with a client, without judgement, is profoundly healing.
In my counselling I do not preach or teach. In my writing, and my Teachings of the Light, however, I will not tone down my soul spoken messages because it is too bright or too real for those of you in the dark. My hope is that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel and have hope that, somehow, some way, there is a path out of the dark night of the soul.
There is. I found it.
After high school I spent over a year in a deep dark depression. I had no faith in the world and I hated who I was. I thought I deserved to be raped by those two guys, because I had been such a shitty person. You name it, I did it. I bullied a girl and made her leave the school (she cut my first deep sister wound and instead of telling her how I felt – hurt, betrayed – I ruined her high school experience). I cheated on my boyfriend, multiple times. I didn’t want to be with him, but I didn’t know how to be alone. I was insecure and had very low self-confidence. Even if I was beautiful/skinny I couldn’t see it because I was always comparing myself to a shifting unobtainable ideal.
Please forgive me. I’m sorry. I love you. Thank you.
But I am grateful for all experiences that made me a stronger and a better person. The worst thing that happened to me made me take a good hard look at who I was, and I did not like what I saw. I’m not proud of confessing this, but this is my truth. I bullied my first best friend after she broke my trust and heart. I’ve cheated and hurt my friends. Please forgive me. I’m sorry. I love you. Thank you.
What is the worst thing that you have done? Do you like who you are? Are you ready to face it, so that you can change? Decide – is that who you want to show up being in the world?
We all have reasons why we do the shitty things we do. Especially when we are kids – we don’t understand the reasons why we act the way we do. We just have a sense of unfairness, or not good enough, especially when we realise that we were born into a family/gender/race/social status seen as less superior than the ‘normal’ cultural construction in the media.
The rape – I was flirting with these guys when we went clubbing. In fact, my roommate liked one of them, but I was too self-absorbed/insecure to notice – I craved every man to see me as beautiful because I needed validation. Please forgive me. I’m sorry. I love you. Thank you. My roommate, rightly so, left me at the club with these guys, and when they dropped me home they thought they would come inside and rape me (my roommate was hating on me, staying at her mums). Did I deserve it. Hell no. Just because someone is insecure and flirty doesn’t mean they are inviting you into their vagina. They seek your attention, not for you to smash apart their trust in the world.
Did that incident spark a weed addiction and pretending I was ‘fine’, until one day I lost all my friends, messed up year 12, was fired, and it all came crashing down? Yes.
Did I finally get therapy after moving interstate? Yes. Was I in a deep dark hole for over a year, hardly leaving the house except for when coaxed out by my next-door neighbor (my guardian angel) to have coffee? Yes. I was in the darkest of places and even though I knew I didn’t deserve to be raped, I didn’t like who I was as a person/friend leading up to it. That dark period of my life in my late teens, made me a better person because I looked at who I was, and I decided I needed to be different.
For the longest time I had no faith in the Universe – (why me)? I had no faith in men. How could I have had been so naive? The neighbor (the angel one) – well I kept waiting for him to rape me too. I didn’t realise it then, but this man’s kindness gave me faith in men again (some of them, I’m not naive). And my therapist gave me hope for the future, that there might just be a light at the end of a long dark tunnel.
I grew up fast because of my upbringing. I decided earlier than most, who I wanted to be, and who I did not want to be. I learned that drugs were just a band-aid and that I needed to face trauma head on. I learned that sometimes the worst thing that happens to you can have a silver lining. I learned that depression is a process and you can’t force your way through. That you will be rebirthed on the other side, changed, if you do the soul work. You can’t take drugs (medical or other) to avoid or mask the pain. A lump of pain you carry with you is still a lump of pain you carry, even if you put a blanket over it.
You won’t find the silver lining in the happy mask.
I write this not because I want for your opinion, judgement or pity, but because some of you have been hating on people who choose to be positive and happy. Yes, pretending to be positive and happy when you are not, is fake. I’m sure some people put on a happy mask to be accepted. But most lightworkers I know have legitimately come out of the darkness and they refuse to go back in, because they have faced the demons. They do the inner, and the outer work. They look after their mind, their body and their soul. They choose to be decent people in the world (or do the best they can with the tools they have), not because they must, but because they want to, make the world a brighter place.
I am literally calling in soul aligned high vibe souls who have done the work and will continue to do the work their soul came here to do. That is a light warrior. As Kyle Gray says, a lightworker has heard the call, a lightwarrior is acting to be the change, including doing the inner work that is never ever done.
Anyone can turn their life around. Anyone can admit their mistakes and make better choices. Anyone can own the shitty things they have done and choose to use their wisdom and compassion to help others, not to make those same mistakes. Anyone can be the rapist, or they can be the neighbor who is there for the girl who desperately needs a friend without ulterior motives… you might be her last hope.
If you are in a dark place. Go and get some help. Face the things about yourself that you want to push away. Look at the monster, and your monster, under the bed.
Every day the sun rises, and you can start fresh. You can be a new person. You can drop the masks and the roles that you play, and say, ‘that’s not who I choose to be anymore’. The people around you will not like it when you morph characters half way through the movie. But do it anyway.
I do what I do, helping people go through dark times and spiritual crisis because I believe in the power of the self to heal. Healing is a process the same as when you cut yourself, it does not heal instantly, but it does heal. Allow the process to be gone through. Sit with a person, share a coffee, do no harm (no more harm). I didn’t want to have to tell you this story, but I also don’t want you to think that I am fake preaching love and light and fairies and unicorns and rainbows. Pretending to be happy when I am not. I have dark days like everybody else, I just lean in to them. It is soul rewarding to help another in their time of need, a kind of soul satisfaction that money can’t buy. And this is my livelihood, so I will ask for the sale, and I am okay with that too. You cannot make me feel ashamed of feeling that I am worth an energy exchange. Asking for an exchange in energy is not the devil, it is called give and take. So, if you like this post, then like my Facebook page because I am devoted to writing the messages that come from my heart (even when, like this one, I probably keep writing, because I don’t want to hit post). Resistance – lean into it.
Yes, I know people have been through worse than me. I also know people have done worse than me. I know Teal Swan was ritualistically tortured in a religious cult and she is not stuck in the darkness. Every person has a wound to bare. Let’s not play ‘who has the deepest wound’. Let’s play who is making the biggest impact, despite what they’ve done, and despite what they’ve been through? These are the people I’m vibing with. I’m not looking down on you, laughing like I am so much better. I’m trying to show you that you are the divine beings who makes the grass greener, and that the healing potential, is within you.
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